There is going to be a lot of talk about poop in this entry. so if you can't handle it, stop reading now.

In response to Lisa's blog about never having to use the can at ACL, here's the thing: I move my bowels an average of twice a day, I use an average of 25 squares of toilet paper per dump, there are 800 squares in a roll, I've bought one 4 pack of toilet paper since I've lived in my apartment, there's one roll left, I've lived in my apartment for 8 months. Doing the math, I should have used 15 rolls of toilet paper in that time if I defecate solely at home. That means 80% of my dumpy lumpkins are sent to their watery graves in unfamiliar toilets. Don't look at me like I'm a horrible father, death is better than being stuck in a man's colon. (If you take the last part odf that sentence, it sounds like I'm very homophobic). Moral of the story: "Don't invite me to your house, for I will drop some logs in your forest" (I don't even know what that means!)

In further news. I was telling my physical therapist how cool my Nokia is and how it never breaks. She silently asked me for an example so I dropped it from a total of 2 feet onto a carpeted floor. I have done this numerous times on accident from higher points, onto harder surfaces, plus dropped into a tank full of gasoline, twice! I've lit it on fire, given it a bath, fed it to a girrafe (you know how far girrafe turds have to fall!?!) and its been fine. It seems that 2 feet and a carpeted floor seem to be the 6620's kryptonite, or that's what it says iin the owners manual, should have read that sucker. Now I can only send and recieve calls, because the select key doesn't work. I can't even check my texts!

That'll teach me to spend $180 on a phone. So I just spent $220 dollars on a new Nokia that they don't even sell in the States. It's shock resistant, water resistant, has an MP3 player, a flashlight, a radio, a compass, a walkie talkie, a sound meter, bluetooth, infrared, a calendar. I'm not kidding, It'll be here on Monday morning. I will be having the ceremonious first dropping from my balcony that afternoon if you would like to come give me a call (not an f-ing text!).