Sorry for the delay in updates over the past few days friends. No excuses though.
So.. Milton, the retarded guy at work. Really isn't retarded. He's schizo-phrenic and the medications make him seem like he's slow. The truth is, he's married and lives in a trailer in Pecan Grove, that trailer park on Barton Springs that would be oh so cool to live in. He has even written a book about the trailer park and the people that have been there over the thirteen years that he has resided therein. Lesson of the Blog: Don't judge a schizo by his retarded cover.
This leads me to another question. Are there schizoes who hear nice voices? Like, "You should give that homeless man some money." Rather than, "You should kill that homeless man, eat his body, and make a windchime out of his bones." Or, "Simultaneous orgasms are more satisfying." Rather than, "You bought dinner, you don't owe her nothin'!"

So we just hired a new cleaning guy at my job. His name is Milton and he is supposedly retarded. I'm not buying it though. I think its all a big act. Sure he drools a little, hunches over, laughs whenever I say poop, and pees uncontrollably when I tickle him. All fakable.
"Why fake being retarded?" you ask. Think about the advantages. You're completely excused of most adult responsibilities, there's probably some loop hole where you don't have to pay taxes, the state takes care of you and feeds you for the most part, you get to laugh whenever people say poop. That is the sweet life my friends. Its lke being drunk but everyone coddles you rather than being ashamed of you and if you whip out... no jail time. Just gasps and embarrased chuckling at what you can now all your "big head".

Here's where I take it to far.... you can sleep with that hot retarded girl without social stigma.

Bizzle's fun "game of the week for us losers who still haven't graduated college"

Walk into your largest school library with flared nostrils and a handful of confetti; throw it in the air and say, "What are we waiting for? Let's Dance!"

5 points: for every person who starts dancing

100 points: if John Lithgow walks in behind you and scolds you for not living a "virtuous life"

500 points: if you have ever played chicken on a tractor.

post scores in the comment portion of my blog. We'll tally them next week. The winner gets a slightly sticky copy of Seven Degrees of Kevin Bacon.